Threshold in the Rearview

A lot has transpired in the last 9 months since I’ve left my narcissistic abusive partner. I went back and forth debating whether I would press charges or just move on with my life. I finally found the courage to come forward and it led to a string of stressful, confusing, self-doubt as the process was underway.

In the end, I had multiple pictures of bruises and black eyes, text messages where they admitted to beating and abusing me – with promises that the abuse would stop, they would change their behavior – and I typed up a 17-page document that included all the abuse – mental, emotional, and physical – that I could possibly remember.

We had our initial trial date, and I stood tall in that court room, so he knew I wasn’t afraid of him. We ended up with a continuance because the ADA and defense counsel wanted to discuss some evidence.

In the end, the defense was arguing that the injuries were consensual because I didn’t have any texts, data, or physical proof that would indicate I had not given consent for the abuse to reach that level of severity.

I deferred to the ADA’s advice and rather than fight for months, reliving the traumatic events, sharing intimate details of my life with complete strangers – all for a 10% chance that we’d get a conviction, leading to appeal after appeal – she recommended we dismiss the charges.

But I will not go quietly into that good night.

I will share my story, so that other women can stand strong in their journey, and I will bring this to light as a warning to protect your heart and learn what red flags are and when to leave once those begin to appear.

Some of this text and photographic evidence is sensitive and could trigger viewers, so please read and view at your discretion. I will share something at least once a week to keep this despicable behavior at the forefront.

The legal system was unable to obtain justice on my behalf, so now I plan to do it my own way. I won’t mention names or share pictures or personal information of any parties other than myself, but many of you know who this deplorable human is, and I recommend avoiding them at all costs.

If you’re familiar with the BDSM or “kink” lifestyle, that is the crux of the defenses case. The person I gave myself to and trusted to love me and protect me was what is considered a “Dom” and therefore I played a very small, simple role of submissive on occasion. Very lightly. I didn’t want extreme beatings and was completely against bondage because I have anxiety and control issues.

With that being said, you’ll notice the injuries I sustained are not the typical injuries that occur within a consensual D/s relationship. When I would use safe words to get him to stop beating me, he would become enraged and tell me I didn’t get to use that word, and I would continue to receive punches and kicks. Even when I was crying and screaming, it didn’t stop. That’s far past consensual, but because I had no digital or audio proof, I’m unable to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt and had a very thin case.

So, starting today, I’m going to share the ugly, gut-wrenching, cowardly, disgusting, and infuriating things I underwent. I want women to know that even though the justice system is often flawed, there are others out there who understand and want to help.

I’ve started this site to to help women through each step of the process as they finally - BRAVELY - leave their abusive relationship. I will help them in filing DVPOs, filing domestic abuse/violence charges, gather evidence, point them in the direction with whom they should speak regarding their case, what to expect through all these steps, and what the outcomes might be, dependent upon the evidence available.

I may not have the reach of some famous folks out there, but if my story helps even one person, I am fulfilling my purpose.

I escaped early in the morning to go into the office, left a note, and I never looked back. My girlfriend welcomed me with open arms and an open door. She has since been my safe place and motivation for healing and growth through this new journey.

And I’m excited to share it with everyone who cares to listen.