Audouchery Ad Naseum
Once upon a time, a little girl dreamed she would one day meet a man who she gives her whole heart and soul to. He would use her as a punching bag, degrading her, and ensuring she knows she’s never good enough. He’ll make sure she knows that she will NEVER meet all the unrealistic expectations held by his sociopathic, narcissistic ideals.
SAID. NO. GIRL. EVER.
Honestly, I blame fairy tales and Disney for setting girls up for the radical and unrealistic ideals surrounding relationships. I relate to many of them, but the one I most closely resemble would have to be Ariel. “The Little Mermaid”.
It’s funny, my mom was hesitant to let me watch the movie, but one day after school, in the third grade, I went to a friend’s house because mom had an appointment. We asked if it was okay to watch it, and mom really had no say in it. And thus, my love of Disney musicals found a harness point for mirroring emotional situations.
I’m a singer. I loved that Ariel could sing so beautifully. We watched her overturn and abandon her very nature, her identity, her most precious gift - everything that sets her apart from all the other mermaids - FOR A BOY. A boy that doesn’t even know she exists.
She met with a “bondsman” of sorts who, just like most in this world, only had their own interests at heart. She gave up the most significant, recognizable, and powerful part of herself. So many women have lost or given over their voice for a man, and it’s only brought destruction.
The same thing happened to yours truly. I gave myself over so deeply, hoping that I was going to be with the one I was destined. I was destined to help heal their years of trauma. And at the risk of being broken and bruised, by all the gods, I was going to help the man that swore he would love me equally, wholly, and in tandem.
And if you remember, Ariel got her voice back. This BOY finally “liked” her. He thought her voice was exquisite, and it brought a warmth and depth that offered new life to his empty and boring existence. Your voice can be a double edged sword, ladies. We need to properly educate ourselves on how to wield this powerful and oh, so effective tool.
I won’t dig into all the fairy tales, but they all stem from the root of a woman trying to please a man. We were trained to give ourselves over at any cost in order to be accepted, loved, incorporated, appreciated, all while losing pieces of our souls and identity in the process.
I vow to keep using my voice. I vow to help other women find their voice. I vow to encourage the meek voices to roar like the GODDAMN LIONESSES we all are, deep down inside.
My voice will continually get louder and I vow to use it for the good of those that come after me. And I wouldn’t know how to use this voice - let alone feel BRAVE enough and STRONG enough to use it - without my amazingly beautiful, supportive, and genuinely loving girlfriend and partner, as well as my family, and entire support system.
I’ve shared a couple more pictures below of the bruises I wore while I gave my voice away.
Yesterday was my girl’s birthday, by the way. She is the reason I’m alive today. So, don’t hesitate to pop by and tell her how amazing she is. She saved me, but she would save ANYONE going through this. I’m such a lucky gal. 😊💖✌🏼
