That’s Not How Any of This Works
I’ve continually come across a statement that says, “No one falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live.” I get the concept, but my experience was quite the opposite. My ex had great credit, made more than my ex husband, bought things left and right, and is - to this day - living in the house we chose to rent together, spending an additional $600 a month for a 4 bedroom home where he resides alone.
But that didn’t keep him from encouraging me to spend money in other ways. He “lovingly” coerced me into spending money on plastic surgery “for myself” because “I deserved it”. And if anything came up about how I’m financing it, he said “Just say I’m paying for it.” Which he wasn’t, of course.
On top of that, my ex-husband asked for additional assistance with the kids, financially. My brain went “I should! I have more financial stability, and I want to give the kids what they deserve.” But the ex’s response was “Get a lawyer, we’re getting a house, and we’re going for partial custody so YOU can get child support because he doesn’t know how to manage money.” That’s a whole other monster in itself, but in order to avoid beatings and berating, I had to comply.
I felt trapped because I was being supported, not the other way around. I graduated high school - barely - and did a couple semesters of college, but as of now, I have no degree. It was a fucking MIRACLE that I got the job I have today. And I outrun everyone but my best friend at that job. Degrees don’t mean you’re smart - but again, another monster to tackle at a later date.
When you spend your whole life thinking you’re supposed to be one thing, and then realizing you’ve been duped, it’s mind fracturing. I didn’t realize I was allowed to be alone. I didn’t realize I was allowed to pursue things that interested me in order to make a living. I didn’t realize that my job was to bring good into the world, rather than follow the flock and add to greed and commercialism. Don’t get me wrong…capitalism has its place and I’m all for the people that make money doing what they love.
Responsibly.
Again, another monster for another time.
But one thing that has been hard for me to grasp is the fact that now I’m in debt to a degree I wouldn’t have imagined before. I worked so hard to keep my score reputable and ensure I could have a safety net if something happened - specifically with my children and their wellbeing.
And now, here I am, relying on another human. She has been SO gracious and supportive and I would not have healed as much had it not been for her. Without her love, support, and assistance, I don’t know where I’d be.
But all this is to say - just because 99% of the time a duck walks, talks, and acts like a duck, you still encounter the 1% that tries to skirt the system. The ones that try to appeal to the senses and ensure that they aren’t found out too early, so you’re stuck in the craw of their bullshit.
These blogs will get more positive as time goes on, but I won’t be silent anymore about what I’ve encountered. Everyone has a different experience, even if there are striking similiarities.
But life goes on. And there is hope. I will forever be grateful for my safety net as well as the new, WONDERFUL people I’ve developed relationships with in the last few months.
I’m not a huge fan of the term YOLO, but……it fits.
Below is a picture of the AMAZING words that I read almost daily to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing, that I’m with the right people, and I’m teaching my kids the right things.
I pray you have that support and guidance in your life, and if you don’t - I’m here. ✌🏼💖
